無題

Three years ago, when I decided to drop out of university, I was more scared than anyone else. Standing in front of the future with tremendous uncertainty, I had no idea where the world would take me. From then on, my biggest challenge was: how do I live with uncertainty and move my life forward, little by little, on a path that I don't know where the end is?

Three years had passed. Now I'm proud to say that even though the decision was reckless, ignorant, and conceit, it was undoubtedly the best decision I ever made in my life. I gained the knowledge I craved, found the people I loved, and figured out what I wanted to do in life. The feeling of hesitation disappeared, wounds recovered, thoughts matured, and all these years' efforts finally come to fruition.

But deep in my heart, I knew that this was not the end. It was just the beginning. Uncertainty is not only the norm of life but also the norm of the world.

Minerva's students have to travel between cities in seven different countries over the course of four years. Whenever I came to a new city or chatted with my classmates, I found that the world is full of problems: the US has the widespread COVID-19 cases, South Korea has border conflicts with North Korea, India has religious riots, Germany has refugee problems, Argentina has a debt crisis, Britain has Brexit issue, and Taiwan has the increasing tension with China.

In addition to adapting quickly to new places and understanding new problems, I also have to continuously adjust my lifestyle to manage long-distance friendships, relationships, works, and academics. Although I think I am good at time management, I still get tired sometimes under this kind of situation.

My best friend is an artillery sergeant from Armenia. This country just went to war with neighboring Azerbaijan a few days ago. Yesterday, Azerbaijan sent four drones to attack Yerevan, Armenia's capital, raising the war's stakes, forcing the Armenia government to draft all men in the country to the battlefield. If Minerva's semester started a month later or the war began a month earlier, my best friend would now be a target at the war's frontline.

In the past, I have been continually asking: Why should I live? What is the meaning of life?

Now I don't ask those questions anymore. I still don't know what the meaning of life is, but I do know that life is uncertain, and every moment of life is worth cherishing.

三年前,當我向台大遞上休學申請書時,我的內心其實是比所有人都還要恐懼的。在充滿巨大不確定性的未來面前,我不知道這個世界到底會將我帶向何處。從那時開始,我最大的人生課題便是:在一條不知終點位在何處的道路上,我應該如何與不確定性共處,一點一點地推進我的人生?

三年了。現在我總算可以驕傲地說,當初這麼做雖然非常地莽撞、無知與自負,但卻毫無疑問地是我人生中做過最棒的決定。很幸運地,一路跌跌撞撞地走下來,我獲得了我所渴望的知識,找到了我所愛的人們,也搞清楚了我真正想做的事情。徬徨逐漸消失,傷口逐漸復原,思想逐漸成熟,這些年來所有的努力也逐漸開花結果。

然而,我內心非常清楚,這一切不是結束,只是開始。因為不確定性既是人生的常態,也是世界的常態。

Minerva 的學生在四年中會在七個不同國家的城市之間遷移。每當我和不同屆的同學交流時,便會發現這個世界處處是問題:美國有新冠肺炎疫情、南北韓有邊境衝突、印度有宗教暴動、德國有難民潮危機、阿根廷有債務風暴、英國有脫歐問題,台灣也有日趨緊張的兩岸關係。

在世界遷移的過程中,除了要快速適應新的環境、理解新的問題之外,我也必須不斷地調整自己的生活型態,才勉強能同時經營好遠距離的友誼、戀愛、事業與課業。我雖自認擅長時間管理,但是在這樣的處境之下,也常有心有餘而力不足的感覺。

我最好的朋友是一名來自亞美尼亞的砲兵中士,這個國家在幾天前和鄰國亞塞拜然開戰了。就在昨天,亞塞拜然派送四架無人機對亞美尼亞首都耶烈萬發動攻擊,擴大了戰爭的規模,所有亞美尼亞國內可以上戰場的男性都被強制徵召到前線。如果 Minerva 晚一個月開學,又或是如果這場戰爭早一個月開戰,我最好的朋友現在就是戰場最前線的活靶。

過去的我一直在問:我活著是為了什麼?生命的意義又是什麼?

現在的我已經不再問這些問題了。我仍然不知道生命的意義是什麼,但我知道人生無常,生命的每分每秒都值得我好好珍惜。


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